i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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