Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
