i think my tv is drunk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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