$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
