Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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