when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
