Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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