NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan