so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.