Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win