He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
