I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
