i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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