You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize