Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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