i just had sex bonerless
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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