seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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