I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
