Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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