he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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