You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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