I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
