got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
