I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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