I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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