That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
