I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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