i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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