You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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