It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
