He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
