Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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