Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
