Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
