just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
