the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
