I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
