my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Acid is not a monday night drug
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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