conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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