I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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