He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
