I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
