Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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