Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
