So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
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Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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