I puked a lego.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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