Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
