Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize