I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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