there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
