And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
