Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
