Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
