I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
