just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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