so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
