Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
