So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Barsexuality is the new black.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
