forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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