are you so shy because you have an std?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
