a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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