take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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