I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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