i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize