I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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