dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
