Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
