Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
