I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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