I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
