lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
