Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
