I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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