i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
